Reasons Why Eating Should Be Conducted in Bathroom Stalls

Here is a plate of spaghetti.  It is, for all intents and purposes, an entirely innocent and unassuming plate of spaghetti.

Here, also, is a perfectly normal lettuce sandwich.  I mean, as normal as any sandwich containing only lettuce can possibly be.

And some nondescript marshmallow cereal.

Although these somewhat appetizing and unimposing food items do not appear to be dangerous, they can be transformed into weapons of mass destruction in the blink of an eye.  Personally, never having been one of the most graceful eaters (or dancers, or runners, or standers, for that matter), humiliation is a regular part of my life.  I'll just be strolling along and some new sort of calamity will overtake me, causing the laughter and mild concern of those around me.  This accident-prone existence of mine is not limited to athletic activities such as walking and sitting, however.  I also suffer a great deal of anxiety over my inept eating habits.  Hence, my own compilation of reasons why eating should be conducted in bathroom stalls.

Reason #1 that eating should be conducted in bathroom stalls:  privacy, people!

Reason #2 that eating should be conducted in bathroom stalls:  self-esteem issues.

Other people eating: 

Me eating:

Reason #3 that eating should be conducted in bathroom stalls:  serving sizes.

Nobody judges you based on how much food you eat IF THEY CAN'T SEE YOUR FOOD.  Cue the conspiratorial laughter...

I think I've made my point.  Eat in public bathrooms and reap the benefits in boosted self-esteem and less dinner-induced anxiety.  You're welcome.